Soul Power, Self Love and Addiction
Put your ear down close to your soul and listen hard.
The Soul and Soul Gifts
Each of our souls were given unique gifts and talents to accomplish what they came here on earth to achieve.
The greatest and grandest gift our soul has or will ever be given throughout it’s eternal life is the freedom to choose what, when, where, how and with whom we will make use of these powerful gifts.
I believe the reason most of us struggle with some type of addiction or repetitive behavior (both escape tools) is because we are not yet owning and making use of our ‘God-given powers’. Instead of being or doing who and what we want to be, we consciously or sub-consciously escape to what quickly becomes a hard-to-break habit.
The Soul and Addictions
After years of struggling with several of my own bad habits, I discovered that the first step for addressing any addiction or repetitive behavior is to admit that you have one.
The second step is to ask,
am I doing or being what and who I want to be or am I who others want me to be?
Am I owning and making use of my God-given powers, meaning my specialties and
my freedom to choose?
Addressing an addiction is a process and one that requires honesty, patience with oneself and with loved ones, and usually involves having to go where most of us are afraid, or choose not to go. For example, to disconnect (unplug) myself from the power of my Slot Machine addiction.
I had to be willing to unearth things about my personal and married life that, no doubt, should have been dealt with a long time ago. As there are no coincidences in life, there was no coincidence in my becoming addicted to cigarettes or to slot machines.
Addictions are not born of thin air and will quickly swallow a big part of your life if not addressed quickly and honestly. In this way, addictions are gifts that will eventually force you, sooner or later, to address the ‘someone or something’ in your life that you are having difficulty dealing with or trying to escape or replace.
People pleasing and Fear of Rejection
Due to my fear of disapproval or rejection, rather than being honest with my husband, I harbored many negative feelings. It wasn’t until I recognized that what I had and was still doing with him was something I had and was still doing with my parents, siblings and friends. My desperate need for other people’s approval had totally blinded me to what was right for me. Like a dark cloud, my insecurities had covered my personal dreams, goals and most of all, my special gifts and freedom to choose, which are my God-given powers.
When I first married, I had very low self-esteem and little confidence, and certainly did not know the meaning of unconditional love for myself and for others. It was for this reason that every time I would think of being a certain way or want to do something new, I would immediately seek other people’s approval and would make my decisions accordingly.
I constantly worried about what others would think about me or my decisions, never once asking myself what I thought was right for me. It took me over forty years to figure out the reason I could never be me was because I was afraid others might hate me, leave me or hurt me!
I wasn’t even aware of my soul’s greatest gift, which is the freedom to choose. It took becoming severely addicted to slot machines for me to go deep within myself to find and address the many fears that controlled my life all these years.
Only through my self-discovery did I recognize I had choices to make. I could choose to continue using addictions to escape from my inner pain or choose to become honest with myself and others around me about what was really happening in my life that was making me feel empty and sad. I even had to face the frightening possibility of my 30 year marriage ending since it had silently suffered as much as I had. All of this was happening because I had not been honest with my feelings and with others!
I finally realized my life wouldn’t change until I could declare and commit to who I was and what I wanted in life. But before I could make this declaration, I had to discover these answers within myself. Most of my life, I not only said and did what others thought I should be doing and saying, but had allowed everyone to talk me out of what it is I really felt. Most times, I either felt guilty or was made to feel guilty when expressing my feelings, especially if they didn’t agree with what others thought was right for me to be feeling or doing.
How could I express what I felt when I had never learned or was never shown what it was like to honor my feelings? As many of you will agree, children of past generations (even many in today’s) were meant to be seen and not heard.
Do any of you remember being asked as a child how something or someone made you feel? Or how another person’s words or actions made you feel? When was the last time you told someone, “Your comments really hurt me or made me feel bad?” Or better yet, when was the last time you asked yourself “how does this person make me feel?” Even today, do you follow your feelings or intuition about someone or something that makes you feel less than the special person that you are?
I don’t know about you, but it took me 48 years to start listening to what my soul was trying to tell me. The only way my soul was able to finally reach me is through my addictions and that is why today I can assure you, addictions are not diseases that can’t be cured! They are simply gifts that hold some of the most precious diamonds for your soul’s growth. For those of you reading this article that are struggling with addictions, know they are just as important for your journey back Home as are all your qualities and what you call positive experiences. So, before you beat yourself up because of your addictions, ask yourself what your soul and the universe might be trying to tell you. Could it be you are not being or doing what your real self (soul) knows it should be doing and came here to do?
If you think the grass is greener on the other side,
it’s probably because they are watering their grass.